My Life: A Movie (but not a Lifetime movie)

Last night I was talking to a friend about who we thought would play us if (and when) we become famous. I told her I needed to think about it, as it’s a serious choice that one can’t take lightly. I’ve decided to look into it in the most scientific way possible, and therefore I am going to complete a March Madness-type bracket to decide. Today is March 3rd afterall.

Of course, there are the obvious choices like Blake Lively for my looks or Selena Gomez for my girl-next-door charm, but I want to dig deeper.

After some thorough research, I’ve compiled my bracket. Here it is, Sweet 16 style.

sweet 16

First up we’ve got:

The “Z” Girls- Zosia Mamet  (1) vs. Zooey Deschanel (7)

I have gone from hating Zooey (circa 500 Days of Summer–how could you hurt JGL?!) to loving her on New Girl. Her character is awkward but loveable. Then we’ve got Zosia of GIRLS fame. Not only have I been told numerous times that I look exactly like her, but her character, Shoshanna, IS me. She talks in abbrevs, wears snuggies, and her favorite show is Baggage on GSN. Enough said. Landslide victory. I could never allow someone who is referred to as “adorkable” to play me in a movie. Pshhhh.

Winner- Zosia Mamet

The “Unlikeables”- Aimee Teegarden (12) vs. Lucy Hale (8)

Both of these girls play extremely unlikeable characters on their given tv shows (Friday Night Lights and Pretty Little Liars, respectively). However, both are around my age and well, one of them has my name. I’m going to have to go with Lucy Hale for that reason alone.

Winner- Lucy Hale

“Whatever Happened To…”-Amanda Bynes (11) vs. Ellen Page (6)

First up, we’ve got Amanda Bynes. Back in the day, she was my favorite. She was on All That, playing a prissy, sarcastic girl that gave terrible advice (“Ask Ashley”), then she starred in movies like She’s the Man (a classic) and Easy A. She’s never been afraid to look goofy and will do anything for a laugh. However, she has gone a little craycray of late as demonstrated by her Instagram. Then we’ve got Ellen Page. I loved her in Juno back when it first came out. I was in love with Michael Cera from Arrested Development and thought that the movie could do no wrong. Ellen (Juno) was just a saracastic girl who didn’t care what anyone thought of her. And she had an awesome hamburger phone! Well…I rewatched that movie recently and it was painful. I couldn’t even finish it. So, in an upset, Amanda Bynes comes out with the win. I’m rooting for her to get back on track.

Winner- Amanda Bynes

The “A” Team- Amber Tamblyn (5) vs. Anna Kendrick (2)

While I never saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I’ve been told that I would be the Amber Tamblyn character. I think I should be slightly offended by this because I’m pretty sure she’s just depressed and lonely for the entire summer while everyone else is off having fun in other places, but, like I said, I haven’t actually seen it so I’ll withold judgement. Amber is also married to Tobias Funke. So I could probably swing a guest spot on Arrested Development if she played me in my movie. So that’s a plus. Then we have Anna Kendrick who was unceremoniously thrown into this group to which she doesn’t belong. She is awesome in every movie I’ve seen her in. And she’s funny on Twitter. So she wins.

Winner: Anna Kendrick

Trilogy-ers(?)- Jennifer Lawrence (1) vs. Kristen Stewart (4)

Jennifer Lawrence is it. She just won an Oscar at 22, she was considered “Best Dressed” all throughout awards season, and she fell on her way up the stairs to receive her Oscar. Everyone loves her because she is a little awkward but she owns it. (If you haven’t seen her interview after she won the Oscar, watch it here. It’s hilarious.) If I could pick a best friend, it would totes be her. Then we’ve got Kristen Stewart. Also extremely awkward, but in a vastly different way. (Why was she all bruised and hobbly at the Oscars…?) I’m all down for not brushing my hair all the time but I mean, come on girl, once in a while. She better represents my unlikeable side though. Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t have an unlikeable side. However, never in the world will Kristen Stewart beat out Jennifer Lawrence at anything.

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence.

The Emmas- Emma Stone (1) vs. Emma Watson (9)

Well I’m not British and if anyone saw The Perks of Being A Wallflower, we know Emma Watson can’t do an American accent. So…

Winner: Emma Stone

The New Yorkers- Lena Dunham (2) vs. Leighton Meester (6)

If you know me or have read any of my previous posts, you know that Lena is my hero. She is smart, funny, and fearless. And both she and I only seem to Instagram pictures of our dogs. Leighton is cool too though, and I just recently rewatched the entire Gossip Girl series. (The series finale cannot be forgiven. But “I am Chuck Bass.” That is all.) Leighton played Blair who, was seemingly the biggest bi-atch on campus, but really she was just fiercely loyal to her friends. I can stand behind that. Toss-up.

Winner: Lena Dunham

Opposites- Emma Roberts (599) vs. Aubrey Plaza (1)

This doesn’t even deserve commentary.

Winner: Aubrey Plaza

So now we move on to the Elite 8!

elite 8

Zosia Mamet (1) vs. Lucy Hale (8)

No Cinderella story here, folks.

Winner: Zosia Mamet

Amanda Bynes (11) vs. Anna Kendrick (2)

Sorry, Amanda. I can’t afford to take a risk on your Lindsay Lohan ways.

Winner: Anna Kendrick

Jennifer Lawrence (1) vs. Emma Stone (1)

As much as I want to pick Jennifer Lawrence, I know that Emma Stone is the right choice. Easy A is my jam, Emma kind of has a lisp, and once when I was 16 I convinced myself that I had a lisp for an entire summer.

Winner: Emma Stone

Lena Dunham (2) vs. Aubrey Plaza (1)

This. is. me.

Also, Aubrey Plaza gives THE most awkward interviews ever

(see previous posts for comparison..)

Winner: Aubrey Plaza

On to the Final 4:

Final 4

Zosia Mamet (1) vs. Anna Kendrick (2)

These two are lesser-knowns in my repertoire, so this is a tough one. Zosia and I have both been through an unfortunate blonde phase and it would appear that she loves to wear jumpsuits which I am also a fan of. I think I’m going to have to go Anna Kendrick though. She has a little more snark.

Emma Stone (1) vs. Aubrey Plaza (1)

It’s Emma’s awkward goofiness vs. Aubrey’s sarcasm. It’s a tough choice, ladies and gents. I’m going to have to go with Emma on this one. She can be sarcastic too, plus she’s dating Spiderman.

Winner: Emma Stone

CHAMPIONSHIP

championship

Anna Kendrick (2) vs. Emma Stone (1)

It’s come down to one final, epic battle. Will it be Anna Kendrick, the sarcastic, Taco Bell-loving gal or Emma Stone, the goofy but loveable A-lister? I think there is only one option here. With a final buzzer-beating shot, Anna Kendrick comes through with the SWISHHHHHHHH.

Winner: Anna Kendrick

So now, if you’ve actually made it to the end of this, here’s the question. Who would play you in a movie?

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2 thoughts on “My Life: A Movie (but not a Lifetime movie)

  1. plum44 says:

    Brilliant !

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. Lindy says:

    Betty white would play me. Duh. She was married to the guy from Password, a word game I loved, she had a cooking-type show on Mary Tyler Moore, and she spent quite a bit of time in Lala Land on Golden Girls. Betty White OR Jennifer Lawrence.

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